Turning 3.

Mila's birthday was two weeks ago. I think in her mind it took forever to get here, she had been rotely saying August twenty-ninth in her little singsong voice so proudly for so long now that when I announced it was August one morning she was all, Um, why are you guys not celebrating me yet? As it is with littles. They anticipate and anticipate and anticipate and you just hope you can do everything in your power to make it as amazing as they're hoping for.

The night before her birthday along with her usual bedtime prayer and Edelweiss singing Steve and I read Mila this poem from The Birthday Book:
When I have said my evening prayer, 
And my clothes are folded on my chair, 
And mama and papa switch off the light,
I'll still be two years old tonight. 
But from the very break of day,
Before the children rise and play
Before the darkness turns to gold,
Tomorrow, I'll be three years old...
3 kisses when I wake,
3 candles on my cake.
A goodnight kiss for the two year old
To send her to sleep and dreaming
And blessings on the three year old
Who'll climb out of bed in the morning.

Wugs had a few sweet requests for her birthday that we did our best to honor. 1) Breakfast in bed. 2) Hide all her presents "in the bushes." (I think she was remembering Easter on that one? Since we don't have an outside space of our own yet we hid presents around our apartment.) 3) Dinner at Sonic -and this is crucial- in the car. (One time! We went one time to Sonic when we were in a bind and it's ruined her palate for all other foodie adventures! Sheesh. It's like the chicken mcnugget fiasco last summer.)

Huge thank you's to the Best Papa Ever for getting up at five am for a donut run in the name of Wugs' breakfast. And, funny story, the night before after Steve and I had blown up balloons and gleefully chucked them into sleeping Mila's room we were taping up crepe paper streamers in the doorway--this is midnightish mind you--and we suddenly hear a tremendous POP from inside the room. We looked at each other, jaws gaped like there goes the neighborhood! We both had the same vision of balloons popping all over the place, waking up a scared Mila, and I was terrified that the gigantic gold number 3 balloon I ordered online was going to go to waste. But thankfully it was just the one rogue balloon that popped. Crisis averted. Sigh of relief for the tired parents.

It was a great day. Marmousch was with us most of the day so Mila was on cloud 9. There was a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, and after our dutiful Sonic dinner we headed to the beach for sparklers. Had it been up to Dani she would have gone swimming in that salty water, that nugget is ready to go. But the newly-crowned 3 year old was thrilled just to run like a flitting sandpiper bird in the sand, chasing the waves and in turn getting chased by her Papa. 

My late summer girl, my firstborn, who was a week late to the party and likely would've stayed inside me longer had medical intervention not taken over. Stubborn as ever. Beautiful as ever. Perfect in every way for us. I still (often!) turn to Steve and say we made that! and yet she's her own person now, she's taking off running in every sense of the word and we are so honored to be on this wild ride with her. Love you Wugs. Happy THREE.

poor Marm crammed in the disappearing middle seat

photoshoot at Sonic! keepin' it classy.

don't let that face fool you...she LOVED it.

on the cusp of 3.

Toddlerhood. We are in it. I find it simultaneously (sometimes in the span of 5 minutes) incredible and excruciating. One minute I'm near tears, fighting back anger and my mind frustratedly racing, the next I'm melting at something so kind, so thoughtful or funny. The whole thing has me reeling. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. At the beginning of the day I'm exhausted! Some days you wake me with your arms outstretched, hair matted and wild (one big bird's nest really!) and you excitedly tell me how you dreamed of me. Other days you awake me with yelling and screaming that you want go in the living room, or you're upset about why I didn't come sooner (good morning to you too!). The tender parts outweigh the bad. Even on our toughest days when we just don't seem to be in sync (or we're so much in sync that we're driving each other crazy, know what I mean? We are so very much alike.), not more than an hour passes after you're in bed and I want to run in, hold you close, and cover your sleeping head with kisses. Kisses for days.

Spicy moments: your sarcasm. Already! I have a 15 year old here! The other day I was getting lunch on the table and you started "Mama, I want some water please. Mama. Mama! MAMA! Why aren't you getting me water? Is that water? Noooo."

Sweet moments: You are so wonderful with your sister. I am so very grateful for that, every day. Sometimes I'll be in the thick of getting dinner ready and you, so in tune to her, will without a word come into the kitchen to get her a spoon (Dani loves spoons, the colder the better), or to ask for a pacifier from the freezer on her behalf. The other day I walked in to find you gently burping her as you sat together on the floor (and darling Mila, Dani has not needed to be burped for awhile now but of course I didn't have the heart to tell you that. Burp away!). When Dani starts crying in the car, you'll immediately launch into Mockingbird or a soothing Daaaaaaaannniii, baby Daaaaannnniii, and you always rush to do that laugh. You know the one. She loves it--AHAHAHAHA with your throat and it pleases her every time. I know that you're starting to realize you two are going to be lifelong, built-in friends, and I know you're getting excited at all the future holds in store (I know I am). Room sharing. Campouts. Fort making under the table. Already it's becoming a 'thing' for you two to get in her crib together and bounce at the railing. Thank you for holding back and not all-out jumping when she's in it, like I've asked you to do.

Other things that make my heart catch in my throat: you asking for a hug every time you get angry lately. You ask almost immediately, and through tears, half-shouting it: CAN I HAVE A HUG? or CAN YOU HOLD MY HAND? and it breaks my heart, it does. And sometimes it reminds me of angry psych patients in some of the places I used to work. Who knew my OT psych background would prove to be most useful in motherhood? But I love that you're usually so quick to regain control of your emotions, I love that you usually recognize that in times of frustration it's a GENTLE touch that will calm you (rather than hitting/throwing etc.), but most of all I love how it brings ME back to the bigger picture--go easy on you. It's hard being 2 almost 3. Yes, I may be frustrated that you're doing X, but when you ask me for a hug I remember to tune into your emotions, and really, one of my big jobs as your parent is to equip you with coping skills for life. So thank YOU, Wugs.

Sweet...and spicy too. How else would I characterize you right now? I know you're nervous when your fingers or sometimes whole hand goes in your mouth, like when you're meeting new people. It's your telltale sign. If I'm being completely honest I have to say that lately I see a mirror image of myself in you. Not so much physically, although there are glimpses, but so many of your emotions, your sensitivities, your frustrations...they hit very close to home. It's daunting at times, seeing that. You have a front-row seat to my weaknesses and shortcomings. And every day is a new day to lead by example, lead as the woman I hope you'll be someday.

What captivates you? Your imagination is your favorite plaything. Honest. These are your standby imaginary friends: Dindi, Niddy, Duo, and Pineapple. Also lately it's been Dora and Boots and we all know where that comes from. We only recently found out that Dindi is 3 (although this is fluid and very subject to change as it constantly seems to be her birthday), Pineapple is her baby sister, Niddy is the mama and she stays at home and makes things for Dindi and Pineapple, and Duo is the Papa and he works as a nurse. Well. Wow. The Weibels have an alter ego at last. I'm flattered, Wugs. Since you saw the movie Annie and it's become like your favorite favorite thing, Molly and Annie (but especially Molly) also seem to go everywhere with you. (so if we're counting that's six extra people living in this apartment. Whew!) I love love LOVE the fact that you have imaginary friends, I think it speaks volumes to your creativity, your sensitivity, and your maternal instincts...but! Sometimes you use this little motley crew in the most frustrating ways. Arguing with me in the parking lot about how Niddy doesn't make Dindi hold her hand in the parking lot so why should Mila? Or Niddy lets Dindi sleep in her Mama and Papa's bed EVERY NIGHT so Mama you are horrible to not let me do the same. Basically I'm seeing my inadequacies and shortcomings here. Sometimes I'll whisper to Steve I HATE DINDI! to which he'll reply I F*@@**ing HATE DINDI TOO! And the other night at the dinner table I respectfully asked Dindi to leave since she apparently was throwing food at the table. When she wouldn't go I escorted her out the front door and in my mind I knew how ridiculous it all looked. I had to laugh. I did.

A few weeks ago on our Destin trip one of our waitresses commented that Mila seems "very okay with herself." Maybe she meant that as a dig (I like to think she only said it with kind undertones), but I took it as a HUGE compliment. I've struggled with shyness and confidence issues for a big part of my life and not that I don't think there will inevitably be those issues in the teen years...but for now it brings me great happiness to know we're instilling confidence and happiness in our daughter. No, I don't think I can tell you too many times that you're amazing or that you're my everything. I could tell you all day long and it still wouldn't be enough. Confidence is huge. It needs to go hand in hand with empathy, of course, but it's a key part of the equation in terms of navigating life.

Other favorite things. Did I mention Annie. Especially the song 'Maybe', even though you do a mean It's a Hard-Knock Life interpretation (you're also on a Little Bunny Foo Foo kick lately and ask me to sing it over and over again. Make it stop!). Let's talk about who's a girl--and then you'll rattle off the list of lady people in your life. For some reason you love doing that. Your books. There's so many. My friend Karrie pointed out that you're going to be our bookworm and inside I leaped for joy. You'll go on a rampage of wanting the same book for days and days on end (or your High Five magazine. You love that magazine!), then it will disappear and won't resurface until months later. You also love my cookbooks lately? You'll sit and pour over the recipes and plan out what we're going to make, what we need to make. You're getting a cookbook of your own for your birthday, I'm excited, it's going to be great. Aside from the seasonal books I keep all our books pretty accessible on the bookshelf, you have run of the mill of the bottom two rows. I used to try to rotate them more but out of sheer laziness haven't been great at doing that--I thought this would be a hindrance and stop you from accessing them, but no, you're doing just fine. You're not overwhelmed. You make more messes, this way, but oh well. Lately you've actually been pretty awesome about cleaning up. Minimal reminders. Did I just say that out loud...jinxed. But back to what you love. You love hearing stories "about the little girl"...I'll make up characters with crazy names and usually the heroine is a girl with some offshoot of the name Mila. Weewa. Milangawawaboo. The crazier the better. I'll tell you a story, then you'll tell me one (yours usually involve swimming), and on and on. And Papa's stories "about the little girl" are always with our names spelled backwards. Alim and her sister Inad, the mama Ainat and papa Apap. I wonder when you'll figure that out. And yes, Papa still doesn't want you knowing that his real name is Steve in a very Rumpelstiltskin move but shhhhhhh you know. Teve. Teve! Happy birthday Teve. It makes me laugh so hard.

Through swimming stickers you started liking Dora the Explorer and I try to use it to my advantage, letting you watch one of the shows while I'm trying to nurse Dani down for one of her naps. Your latest thing is to take pictures yourself using my phone. I love seeing your perspective on things. You're still not really into art or 'messy' projects. Maybe you never will be. You don't like getting your hands dirty or sticky and barely tolerate it when we're baking or cooking together (there's taste testing involved so that's why you do tolerate it). And when we go to the beach now, there's only a little bit of a struggle between your I HATE SAND ON MY FEET! self and BUT I HAVE TO GO ON THE SAND TO GET TO THE FUN WATER PART! self. We've been working on it. I remember hating the sticky sand part too. Part of me still does. If you live in Florida, though, you have to make peace with it. You know all your letters, uppercase and lowercase. Numbers are a different bag (1, 2, 3, 4, 9!) but we're working on it. 

It's been a big summer for you, Wugs. You learned to swim. You learned this whole peeing and pooping thing on the potty isn't so bad--huge milestone which I NEVER thought was going to happen (cue the dramatics), but now you're in underwear all day and night. It took awhile and much more than the stinking 4 days that the internet seemed to proclaim, but once it clicked, it clicked and there was no turning back. You're a rockstar. But you know what? Part of me misses you coming to me for a diaper change. I know, isn't that crazy? But I remember the way you used to throw yourself down on the ground and then on cue just splay out your limbs. I realized a few weeks ago that I'll never see you do that again and it made me sad. More sad than I realized I would be. And this was the summer that you started going to the movies! To date you've seen The Smurfs, Annie, and Hotel Translyvania.

You still constantly surprise me, just like your father does which I guess is the mark of a fabulous relationship. When we decided to ditch the diapers at nighttime too, following your lead, I scrambled and ran to Home Goods for a simple set of white cotton sheets as a backup. I thought you would be disappointed that they weren't fun, you know, like your gold polka-dotted sheets or like the flashy stickers you're always drawn to. But you loved those plain sheets. These are just like mama's sheets! you said. Thank you for getting me sheets like yours Mama! It nearly brought me to tears.

Funny things you say. (Pinch me. I couldn't wait for you to talk and this is a big reason why.):

Soon Dani will be walking, but we'll still call her Dani!

We're not going to share a boyfriend Dani, and I don't know what that means.

Mama's always going to be my mama. Me's not gonna have any other mamas. I don't want any other mama.

I don't want the mermaid doll because then I can't change her diaper.

Baa has a penis! (his tail)

Mama you're so sweet.

Can I eat these kiwi seeds? Because they're delicious!

Papa I have to tell you something. Don't eat babies.

Steve: Mila why are you screaming?
Mila: There's something wrong with me!

When I get a little bigger, me's gonna be awesome.

Me: I like french fries a little bit. Not too much.
Mila: I like them too much.

Wakomo mama. That's what Dora says. (vamonos)

My baby daughter Dani.

You can keep rubbing my back, Mama. I think this will be one of your highs, isn't it?

Papa your beard feels like needles.

Me: You're my boo.
Mila: I is.

Me: Mila, it's impolite to pick your nose in front of people.
...so she covered her eyes with one hand and kept right on picking.

Papa you don't have hair because you're a boy. 

I already have a baby in my belly. My husband is in town.

Her email address is dot com. 

I pooped! It looks like a banana. A dirty banana.

The way you say didaffe (giraffe)
                              dazoo (zoo)
                              eephant (elephant)
                             kank you (thank you)

Me: I don't want you to turn 3. I want you to stay little.
Mila: I need to turn 3. I have to grow up.


...Isn't she wise?

 I love you, sweet Mila. I could not ask for more. Happy birthday.

p.s. I'll be sure to put more Mila pictures on this post tomorrow. Right now I've got a very awake Dani looking for her 2 am snack :)

Destin

To start, this trip would never have happened, Destin would not have popped into my mind, had our dear friend Megan casually mentioned last year that her 2013 family reunion was happening there. To which I excitedly replied, "Wow! Well if we're back in Florida by then, I'll come meet you there!" It was a hope, and, well, fast forward a year with lots I'm talking lots 'o changes...and there we were. Crashing poor Megan's family reunion. There are not many friends I would drive 17 hours round-trip for with a toddler and 9-month old in tow; Ruengie is without a doubt one of them. We met in Alaska (in a supply closet at the hospital we were both working at) and together Steve, Megan and I rafted the Colorado River in 2007 and again in '08. We love her. Ask me in 30 years how she's doing and I'll have an answer for you. She is for certain a lifelong friend.

My high of the trip: seeing Ruengie for the first time in the parking lot as she came in from the beach to meet us--and just like that, it was as though I had seen her yesterday. Those are the best friendships, the ones that pick up right where you left off. Mila's high of the trip: holding Ruengie's daughter Gabriella's hand while they walked. Side note, sweet Gabriella has been relegated to hero status at our house. And scroll down to see the pic of the two of them side by side on the lounge chairs. Ain't life grand when you're almost 2 and almost 3?!

 And is it just me, or is Mila suddenly all leggy now that the bulky swim diaper isn't in the equation?! My God, a teenager! She still has the toddler belly, though. I will hold onto that toddler belly like a shipwreck survivor clinging to a raft. My last bastion.

During the day we were beach bums as lazily and unrelaxed as we could afford to be. We pretty much parked it on the beach in front of Megan's condo. Dani Dee Lu napped (or didn't nap, but held up amazingly well) on the go. Goodness she is SO patient with us. Unfortunately the water was really only swimmable with the babies one day--one stinkin' day, can you believe that? That's one point for the Atlantic coast, if you're keeping score. Luckily we hung out poolside at Megan's condo another day and another was spent at the Gulfarium...which I didn't think Mila was wild about at the time but the entire drive home she could talk about nothing else. Clutching the folded-up Gulfarium map and anxiously pointing out that we hadn't seen the birds there, and clearly she could see on this map that there were parrots, and we needed to go back. We need to, you guys.

There were things we would do differently. We had the bright idea to forego the house/apartment/condo rental this time around and just get a suite, so that we'd have a separate area in the evenings but would all end up in one king-sized bed at night. Um, no. Not because of space, but at the girls' bedtime Mila would turn into this shouty wildwoman (big-time bucket-dipping going on) and keep Dani from being able to stay asleep. It was frustrating and got to the point where we wouldn't let Mila nap just so she'd be sufficiently easier to wind down at the end of a long, full day. And naps whilst on vacation are pretty much the best thing ever, no? Oh well. I wouldn't trade any of it. 

Once the kiddos were in bed each night we would do crazy and wild things like...watch Shark Week shows, watch a zebra send police on a wild goose chase on Cops, eat key lime pie that I had dropped on the ground TWICE and Steve *said* he scraped off the bits that touched the ground and I ate it anyway (desperate). Aaaaannnnd room service, watered-down complimentary hotel drinks (I say watered down because by the time I got to them after babies were tucked in all the ice had melted and it was, well...sad. but sad in a yummy way.) And not working out like I had planned. There was lots of not exercising, not even looking once at my sneakers I had brought along. Sorry sneakers!

And not that eating was a huge focus of our trip, but you know it's never far from our mind. Here were some standouts:

Louis Louis in Santa Rosa Beach for a nicer dinner with kiddos. They only make like six things here but they make them really well. Steve loved his blackened grouper and my crab cakes were perfection.

Graffiti & Funky Blues Shack in Destin..Steve picked up food to go and we ate it back at our hotel. Lobster ravioli. It was delicious.

Donut Hole for breakfast/brunch. Worth the wait snaking out the door and down the steps. This was the key lime pie that I dropped on the ground and still ate! And you know what...worth it! Steve rated his breakfast here in his top 5 of all-time favorite breakfasts. Just sayin'. 

Aaaaand, if you happen to be celebrating a birthday while in Destin (or while you're driving the 8 1/2 hours to Destin, sorry Steve!) I highly recommend the yummy ones that Bon Appetit in Fort Walton Beach will customize for you. They were very gracious and patient with me and for that I thank them. 

*****

Also. See that sign picture up above? Steve whined and whined when I hauled us all out of the car and into the 4:00 blazing afternoon sun to take it, but I had a vision, see. Someday when grown-up Mila and Dani are in Destin with their families, their little babies in the car napping and snacking and playing I Spy, they'll make their husbands find the sign so that they can recreate this exact picture. And they'll hang it up next to this one in their home. It will be such a sweet suspension of time. I can't even. Complete sentences are just lost on me when I think about such sentimentality.

I was going to do a separate post about road trips with littles; I had packed 'special' snacks with a little more intention and effort and a little basket of books/toys to be distributed one per hour (and really that part worked out great). Honestly though, it boils down to snacks, lots of snacks, the books/toys that are different from the ones they see every day, boobs (if you're a Dani), the occasional surrender of the iphone (Mila's favorite app right now is Peekaboo Forest), and did I mention snacks. Also don't be afraid to stop in creepy one-road towns to use their playground. You know, to "get the wiggles out." Yes, Steve and I say that phrase in public now. My how the times have changed. 

Thank you, Ruengie, for letting us tag along on the beach with you and your wonderful, wonderful family's reunion. It was such a lift. Destin, we'll be back! And Ruengie, girls' rafting trip 2025! Dani, Gabriella, and Mila will be 12, 13, and 14 respectively and I'll spare you the deets on mine and Ruengie's ages by then but who cares! We'll be rafting at the bottom of the Grand Canyon! Steve says he'll be a stowaway on the groover boat ;)

p.s. Those last 4 photos were taken by Megan...and I so appreciate with all my heart anyone who will take pictures of us with our littles. No small task when it's just the 4 of us. Thank you!