Friday, 30 July 2010

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -Soulemama

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

35 weeks

Last Tuesday I was treated to the sweetest surprise baby shower by my co-workers. I was so touched. And I may have squealed. You know you work with a wonderful group of people when they go out of their way to make one of your favorite and most talked-about cakes: nutella. I'm happy that this isn't another travel assignment that I have to up and leave in a few months.

After the shower, I was home for about five minutes before I started playing. While Steve was installing the new car seat I was getting to know my new sling (it's the Maya Wrap and isn't the print gorgeous?). As was Bruno who's usually the unfortunate victim with all this baby business. Then we strapped the sock monkey into the car seat and practiced clicking it in and out of the base. Like Marmousch says when I'm in the middle of folding and re-folding baby clothes--I am playing house. Don't burst my bubble, ok?

Monday, 26 July 2010

34 weeks

Week 34 was when I dipped my toe into the pool of still-uncharted waters, my niche amongst other mamas. While I'm getting ready and more excited by the second in anticipation of meeting our little, I'm not sure about relating to other mothers. Now a lot of my friends already are mothers, and they are of course beyond wonderful and supportive. Obviously though, motherhood hasn't been the common tie that unites those relationships since until now I haven't been one.

In a relationship where the only common thread is being a mother, is that enough?

That sounded very Carrie Bradshaw Sex and The City-like, didn't it? Giggle. But really, maybe it's just me. I endured one afternoon of a Girl Scouts meeting and got in the car begging my mom not to make me go back. I wanted nothing to do with a sorority when I was in college. I'm not really a girl's girl. Maybe I'm not a mom's mom.

So when my midwife encouraged me to go to a La Leche League meeting that week, I wasn't so keen to barge in on them. I'm not even breastfeeding yet! But I'm trying to do right by this kid of mine and how bad could it be, anyway? I went to the meeting and found myself at Panera Bread sitting at a table with other expecting or nursing mothers. To my left was a woman talking about using infant carriers and the Babywise method as if it were (insert Kathy Bates' character in The Waterboy here) THE DEVIL. To my right was another expectington who talked about her nipples feeling more beautiful than ever and how she was a warrior-goddess who felt that allopathic medicine was THE DEVIL. I had never even heard of the term allopathic medicine. And I have to acknowledge that although I try to go the natural route whenever possible-- um, allopathic medicine provides both my husband and I with a decent paycheck every two weeks. And a year ago when my husband was in the hospital and we had no idea what the hell was wrong, I was very grateful for allopathic medicine and their standards of care.

I started wishing I was home relaxing in bed rather than in this uncomfortable chair listening to all this.

I drove away from Panera with a heavy heart and feeling a tad overwhelmed, a tad on the fringe, not sure if I'll ever be ready for these kinds of encounters. I just want it to be me and my baby. Or me + baby + supportive and non-judgmental people. Back in week 9 or so when we were meeting with midwives one scared me off because of her comment, "We'll talk about what kind of parent you'll be, attachment or otherwise." Whoa. That's something I'll figure out as I go, thank you. I'm not into the labels and their implications and don't think parenting is black and white by any means. I love and plan on babywearing although my husband spent hours refinishing a crib and we're certainly gonna use it, too. I'm also planning on a home birth even though I work in a hospital, where most people in this country typically have babies. Just two of my many contradictions, but I don't think I'm unique in that way.

Pouring my heart out to husband after that meeting, he calmly suggested I pick and choose what I want to from all the information and opinions that are floating around out there in mommyworld. Together we'll do what works for us. Just writing that I feel instantly lighter. And I may go back to another LLL meeting after the babe is born, who knows--I'm not shutting any doors just yet. It's a new world for me and I'm trying to be brave about it. 

Whew, I can lay that to rest now. Week 35 will be much more lighthearted, promise!

Friday, 23 July 2010

33 weeks

My beach ball bump, in honor of my summertime (and the living is easy) baby. 

At the 33 week appointment my midwife was about to set the doppler on me, felt le belly and asked if I was having a contraction since everything was so firm. Nope, what are you talking about?! I haven't had a contraction yet. Um, yes, you are--that's a Braxton-Hicks contraction. Swallow. Oh. Really? That's a Braxton-Hicks? I had never given that sensation a second thought. Even though I had read and heard from friends about this tightening feeling that is Braxton-Hicks, I had just thought it would feel different. Like those first baby kicks way back when. But I liked how my midwife explained it--just my body exercising its muscles in preparation for the big day.

But the greatest thing that happened in week 33? Steve started the day position which we've been patiently waiting for since he began working at the hospital six months ago. Which means that life can start resembling normal again and I don't have to envision myself alone with an inconsolable baby at 3 am. Because there's safety in numbers, right? At least we'll be happily clueless together.
Favorite foods
cannoli + watermelon popsicles

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

32 weeks

Things are coming together and it's all feeling very real. My birth kit arrived. We've taken a breastfeeding class, an infant care/safety one, and a 2-day childbirth class all in the hopes of trying to feel more 'ready.' Are you ready? everyone asks me lately almost as frequently as the due date or gender questions. But week 32 was the week I stopped saying NO!! and decided to start saying yes. It's because of some incredible, simple advice--that wasn't even directed towards me. 

I was at a friend's baby shower when I overheard it: The one thing I wish I had done differently was to relax and enjoy it more.

There is no way on God's green Earth that we can fully prepare for this wonderful little soul. I'm a first-time mom. I haven't been around babies too much. Yeah, I've bought books and (somewhat) read about the 5 S's, the importance of routines, latching on...but really, I have no idea. And now, after hearing those awesome words of wisdom--relax and enjoy--I don't care. I've got a feeling this blip in time is all going to go by so fast and I don't want to look back and remember nothing but worries over weight gain or deciphering cries or increasing milk supply.  I just want to be with this baby and hope the rest will fall into place.

So. I am still reading the books. Just not with the same fervor--panic, even--that was present before. I'm not going to know what I'm doing, and that's okay. I relish that. I am going to be the exhausted but happy mama in the little green and white house in Vero Beach, Florida. I will set aside my pride and ask for help when I need it. I am gonna enjoy this ride.

Ask me if I'm ready, I dare you.

The you can see I'm slowing down (about time!)
quinoa salad
iced vanilla soy latte
plum crisp

Monday, 19 July 2010

not posting

things I've been doing and as a result am neglecting this space:

making popsicles ~ making Steve sit through infant massage videos ~ watching my belly shake, rattle and roll ~ cutting out fabric for a sleep sack ~ cutting out fabric for little birdies ~ painting a homemade mobile ~ writing honey-do lists for husband ~ making a book sling ~ watching Top Chef ~ scouring the internet for different-sized frames ~ cleaning house and bathing the boys late one night after they tracked poopy cat litter all over the house ~ watching bad Netflix movies ~ going pee every five minutes ~ making a lamb pillow ~ fruitlessly looking for a white maternity dress ~ organizing the weeble toys ~ finishing up a sock monkey that ended up looking like a monkey-elephant hybrid ~ reading Dr. Seuss books ~ re-reading The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems ~ falling asleep trying to figure out instructions for piecing together the knitted romper I've made ~ picking out recipes for this week's pot luck and bake sale ~ oh yeah, working.

I have three-- THREE-weeks of bump to post. The pictures all correspond to their weeks but I have to upload them, blah blah blah. I will try to catch up so I can get to the big 36-week point ready to go.
photo: mattdoane24

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Pom luv

Our weeble's room isn't quite done yet. 
It's a work in progress. Here are some of the poms that are on the ceiling, hung just yesterday. 

Monday, 5 July 2010

here's to hoping + happy 4th

It was a rainy fourth so we had to shelve the canoeing idea for next year.

Although it may be a little challenging with a 10 1/2 month-old in tow.

Friday, 2 July 2010

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -Soulemama

Thursday, 1 July 2010

31 weeks

I found out that bunny has flipped with noodle facing down (!). I love this foot (it was a foot, not a hand. ha! so much for the mama instinct) that pokes and stretches all day long.

I'm still running. Not so many miles, but oh how I try and am always happier for it when I'm done. Steve said that when I run I look "more pregnant than ever" what with everything jiggling around. Sounds like an attractive sight. So I asked him to take some photos of me while running to capture the good, bad, and the ugly. For posterity's sake.

Then last Saturday as I was running the bridge a trio of peeps came up alongside me and one asked when I was due. I took out my earphones to hear her friend shouting to the other two that they had no excuse not to get their butts up that bridge since this crazy pregnant lady was doing it. It was heartwarming.

And then five minutes later a walker looked at me like I had leprosy. I don't even need my ipod; the reactions alone are entertainment. 


Yummy food. Peanut butter rice krispy treats. Coconut + lime waffles. Pizza. Peach + creme fraiche pie.