Our day in pictures, not exactly.

I started yesterday aimed at documenting little snippets throughout our day. Messy bed, made bed, the girls' toys, Mila babywearing and Mila and I thinking it was a great idea to stick a party hat on Dani's head 'cause we can. And because she's patient with us crazies. That sort of thing. I started out enthusiastically enough and then the pictures slowed down to a trickle as real life got in the way. The really meaty moments were left uncaptured. The way my friend's sweet son was riding Chamois in the living room, and then Sarah said You cannot ride the dog next to your sister and we both laughed at some of the things we find coming out of our mouths these days. Me scarfing down a six-grain croissant while driving because that was the first chance I'd gotten to eat all day, and realizing I had not locked the front door. Holding Mila's hand as she screamed while trying to go to the bathroom. I know, far from glamorous but it's what makes me a mom. These are my days, and I don't apologize. Some days are filled with things and people and activities and leave me exhausted, and other days are more mundane and there's a lot of Mila please drink some water, simple talks about choices and consequences (oh the 2's!), cheering on Dani as she starts to crawl, and starting a million different tasks while completing none. Those days leave me exhausted also ;) but good. Good with some rough moments, that's how I'd describe it. Sometimes a lot of rough moments and other times I'm all, I've got this, world! and then I'm usually humbled again. Yesterday I read inspiring, powerful words on my instagram feed via joyprouty (she's amazing!): "hope your day is filled with enjoying your little ones instead of feeling the heaviness of guilt or frustration." I relate to this so much. When I am frustrated towards Mila (or towards a non-sleeping Dani at 3 am), what I am left with is guilt. Guilt over my lack of patience and the poor example I'm setting while I am being watched and emulated at all times. Worry that Mila doesn't see by my actions how much I love being her mama. I tell her every night, but I pray that deep down inside she knows this already. Enjoy them. In 20 years' time all of these rough patches are going to be a distant memory, a blur, smoothed over like a stone. And what I won't give to be able to nap with my arms draped around Dani, as I do now, or to have Mila calling my name before 7 am, can you play with me? in her sweet Mila voice. Enjoy them and try to be gentle on myself in the times when I come up short. That's what I pray for each night.

Downtime.

Steve has been off for a wonderful six day staycation (even though we went out of town three different times) and we've packed a lot in. Visits with friends, visits with family, another trip to the zoo--how I LOVE our zoo. It has the coolest wading lagoon in the summer, annual pass here we come! Bike rides (a first for sweet Dani!), park time where the planes fly directly above, and another trip to the movie theater for Mila (her 3rd this summer). We ate out more than we probably should have and Mila and I made a strawberry-pecan tart together. Tomorrow the Mr. goes back to work and even though we have a couple playdates planned over the next two days, I'm looking forward to being complete homebodies this weekend. No guilt. I see bread and kite making in our future and THAT'S IT. Maybe a little watercolor painting too.

Gratitudes

Tonight just as we thought Mila was asleep in her bed we heard the door opening and her little voice saying, "Mama, can I have your pillowcase pease?" I knew exactly what she was talking about. Yesterday she had asked if at nighttime she could sleep on my pillowcase and I on hers, and then we could "seep together." After I wiped up the puddle I had melted into off the floor, I did just that. She burrowed down into her pillow with its Mama smelling pillowcase and fell promptly asleep.

As I was getting Dani ready for bed tonight I was nuzzling and raspberry-ing her chest and belly and was she laughing. Laughing. Dani has this deep belly laughing that sounds like a bubbly brook. It's jolly. Jolly and joyful. I pray she never loses that laugh, or the way her eyes scrunch up and glisten in times when she's so full of joy. There are many throughout our day.

Last week was so hard for us. We came closer than we ever have to a house--contracts signed, walk-throughs planned-- only to have it suddenly not happen. I'll just leave it at that as I'm hoping to be able to tell the gruesome tale once we're on the happier side of the coin. In a house, a better one for our family. Thankfully though, moments like those two above buoy me and remind me that this is all part of our story. Big moments like not getting what we thought was *our* house...and little moments like Mila wanting my pillowcase and Dani's jolly laugh. I'm loving those little moments.

Photojournal: Naples

I shared St. Augustine pictures so I'll document Naples too, where we went in the beginning of June to celebrate my birthday (I get to go on the best birthday trips--Hawaii, Santa Cruz, Tofino Island, wow! I'm a lucky girl.) At the last minute I was not at all wanting to go--like whining while packing and begging Steve to please just cancel the whole thing not wanting to go. I had just seen our dream house (this one, the one that wasn't meant to be) and was wanting to fast forward the whole process where we get it, and Naples just seemed like a silly little roadblock impeding from us moving forward in that process. So silly. I'm grateful Steve patiently but firmly somehow got us all in the car heading west. Our suite at the Naples Bay Resort was nicer than...well, our actual apartment, so it was a nice change of pace. And despite the fact that the weather was overcast and rainy virtually the entire time, we loved every minute of it. Lots of naps, unplugging from everything, some swimming in between the rain, suspending potty training (we were about 12 days in and nowhere near 'done') in lieu of relaxation, and ordering meals from elegant restaurants to go so that we could eat without worrying about reigning in the babes (um, brilliant!). And birthday cake with a chocolate mousse buttercream that Steve drove 20 minutes across town for, a thoughtful move on his part involving a lot of online research in the week before we left. Pretty close to perfect if you ask me. Sometimes you've just got to get outta dodge. Or Vero ;)

And now here's where I post a gazillion pictures.

Wugs pushing D Lu around our hotel suite in the $20 umbrella stroller proved to be the best entertainment.

Be crazy! Get wild!

Guess we took it too far :(

I just included this one for the expression on Mila's face.