Sunday, 13 May 2012

On being a Mama.

I've always wanted to be a Mama. Steve and I postponed it for a good long while but it was always there. When we have kids and not if. Mila arrived in the middle of one warm August night and our lives were forever changed for the better. For the best.

Being a mother is so raw. Second-guessing is elevated to an art form. Their pain is achingly yours, their happiness, joys, and triumphs fill your heart and suddenly you're blinking back tears and swallowing down lumps. You see their eyes dancing with smiles and know you're doing a good job. No matter what, you have her and she has you. It's a little window in time, I know that. All too soon Mila is going to have a life of her own, one where she doesn't depend on me for hugs, for kisses on the mouth, for kisses on the soles of her feet, for meals, for diaper changes, for twirling around in our living room. I will miss this season of my life.

And while I'm at my own mother, the one who taught me everything without actually ever coming out and saying it. She lived it and showed me every day. She's been making sacrifices for her girls since before I was even born. I don't know what I would do without my Marmousch and I actually do still depend on her for hugs. Always will.

Tonight as I was kissing and hugging Mila goodnight I told her that no matter how many children come after her, she'll always be the one that made me a Mama. It's my privilege and honor to be the one to answer when she says that beautiful word. Mama. In urgent moments, in singsong-y moments, and all those moments in between.

Happy Mama's Day to those who have children, those who have lost children, and those still waiting to meet theirs.

Above is Mila, 1 month old.

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