Around here.

 Today tried my patience and grace. Most days I try...I really try, to plan fun things for Wugs and I to do together--for the highlight of my day comes when I'm settling her into bed and she sleepily sighs GOOD DAY. It melts me.

But today I had to corral us into the car to meet someone at the BART who was supposedly buying one of the baby items that I've listed (purging ruthlessly...all part of my nesting). We waited for 40 minutes at that stupid station, depleting my snack supply of raisins, carrots, string cheese, and blueberries. I finally gave up with a huff, determined to turn things around with a trip to the library. But armed with our new stack of books about mummies, taking baths with dogs, and nighttime sounds the lady at the checkout desk said I owed $38.40 in overdue fines.

  I blinked at her in disbelief. "Are you sure?" Is that even possible? I thought library fines were supposed to be like a slap on the hand, a couple bucks here and there--not almost resembling the cost of a parking ticket (which I got last week, thank you very much city of Oakland for your sharp meter attention). And since they only take cash and I didn't have that on me, I had to clumsily explain to poor Wugs why we were walking out of that library empty-handed. Poor Wugs. Sad Mama. Fuming under her breath Mama, although it was no one's fault but mine.

Then more disappointing news shortly after her nap began. Now I was too frustrated to sleep but too tired to have the energy to tackle anything productive. I had to turn the afternoon around. So I reached for my old, dear lover whom I've only seen sporadically since being pregnant. Coffee. 3 pm coffee is glorious, guys. And after the coffee, I did something even more irresponsible: whipped us up an after-naptime treat of pumpkin gingersnap parfaits.

I don't know if it was the coffee whispering sweet nothings in my ear or the contagious excitement of Wugs as she beheld a cupful of cream that she could attack with a spoon. But I noticed things this afternoon. The beauty in the messes of having Mila's things strewn about, our little traditions I'm so proud to begin in our family like dinner candlelight, my daughter's perfect little baby feet. Artwork taped up on our walls, memories of recent moments when we've made something together that fill us both with pride. Mila pretends to be me--she says ARGH the way I do, she leaps at any opportunity to parade around in my shoes, and in an attempt to try and get her to like hairwashing I showed her how they do it at 'the spa.' I'm pretty sure that was Wugs' first time hearing the word spa but she's embraced the concept wholeheartedly. God bless her.

I may not be able to fall asleep until 3 am tonight, but at least I know I didn't miss out on a day like today.